Shark Bait.

So I got a job. I love my job, it is a lot of work, but the atmosphere is completely euphoric. I work for a store that is basically a thrift store for kids. It is not where I saw my self going for a job, but this is the place that called and the one I liked. “Organized Chaos” they will say, but that is basically my life. I mean if any of you guys were to see my room you would understand. I know where most things are and if I don’t then I guess that these items weren’t important enough for me to remember.

This whole growing up thing really blows though. Between work, school and a ‘Social Life’ I see my whole family maybe once a week- it doesn’t help that the rest of us work as well [except for my little sister].

I feel like sometimes I am going to stop fighting ‘Adulthood’ and just give in to the mindless, mumbling of malicious, meaning to life. Picture me in the ocean. Now imagine that I have been there for over a day. I will have the hardest time continuing to float and swim around, but knowing that in the vast ocean, that help or even a shore would be nearly improbable, eventually I would just stop. I would cease. Then what? I die.

I hope I will never meld into everyone Else’s lives.

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I just wanted to let you know, that there are a few who still care. :)

So I noticed that one of my Facebook friends, has been posting some deep, and sort of depressing statuses lately and I just had to send him this…

J, I just wanted to say that you are an awesome lad. Some of you’re statuses are a bit worrying lately, I hope you are okie dokie. Hey! Just remember that soon they will release the name of the new doctor… Anyways; live, laugh, love. But hey, it is called the circle of life for a reason, you are going to have ups and downs..”

I just needed to make sure that he knew that someone cares, even though I only see him every now and then when he is working or when he stops by to say hi to my older sister, it is important that people know that there are others who would miss you.

He responded with this..

Hey thanks. Honestly I wasn’t expecting this, and it does help a bit. Thanks for you’re support.”

 I think doing something selfless and or helpful to others is important and that everyone including me, should try and do it everyday at least once. I am happy that I probably made him smirk. Everyone deserves a little love, even if it is from nearly strangers, or complete strangers.

~~~~~~~~Love is love<3.~~~~~~~~


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Just wishin’ for what I can’t have.

“Are you two dating?” “You two should date.”

It is one of those things that I kind of wish would be true, yet at the same time not. Really this whole situation kind of sucks. Basically it goes like this, I’m 17 going on 18, in a few months and he recently turned 16- within some odd number of months- and he is simply my brother. I have gotten to know him better, more recently, and he is from one of our family’s-friends-family. Practically everything I could ask for in a guy, he is caring, loving, sweet, crazy, wild, and smart. He is awesome with kids, and he knows how to deal with me-I mean come on, I’m not gonna lie I can be a hand full. As a woman who in the future wants kids and a family, seeing that sparkle in his eye when kids are around just makes my heart melt. The way he laughs, it just makes me smile, every time! We laugh about the stupidest things, joke about some sick and weird things, and challenge each other at whatever we can but, neither of us really care. As long as we are laughing or winning a game, and having fun, nothing else in the world matters. He is into some more sports than I am, but as a counter I am into more crafty and home-ec things.

This song came on and I just kind of felt like I should put it up. I wish he and I could do this..

“We Owned The Night”

“Tell me have you ever wanted
Someone so much it hurts?
Your lips keep trying to speak
But you just can’t find the words
Well I had this dream once;
I held it in my head

She was the purest beauty
But not the common kind
She had a way about her
That made you feel alive
And for a moment
We made the world stand still

Yeah, we owned the night

You had me dim the lights;
You danced just like a child
The wine spilled on your dress

And all you did was smile
Yeah, it was perfect
I hold it in my mind

Yeah, we owned the night

When the summer rolls around
And the sun starts sinking down
I still remember you
Oh, I remember you
And I wonder where you are

Are you looking at those same stars again?
Do you remember when?

We woke under a blanket
All tangled up in skin
Not knowing in that moment
We’d never speak again
But it was perfect;
I never will forget
When we owned the night

Yeah, we owned the night”


I just wish that he didn’t have a girlfriend already. I could never take a guy from another girl, because to me that is just so freaking wrong. Even though I would never actually ask him out-I’m just too uncomfortable with my self- and I would be too afraid of the possible rejection. I also wouldn’t do anything because I want to go away for college and trying to keep a boyfriend with distance has not worked out for me in the past. Who knows what I could run into in a new place.

It is what it is because he sees me as a friend and a sister, not a girlfriend. Although I think it is funny that even his step sister thinks we should date, there are some things that are just not destined to come true, sorry kid. I know that in your head things are a bit simpler, but when you get older you will understand just how confusing things can be. Well, I guess I kinda like this guy, but that is all that can come of it. I’ll enjoy what we have now, because not everyone has the kind of friendship that we do.

                 ~~~~  As always ~~~~~~


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I look away because I have felt that pain.

Today while watching a movie, this little boy was beaten  and abused by his father. I just couldn’t look at the screen, the fear of the boy just amplified throughout my chest cavity. I have had my run ins of that type of fear, within the same situations too. It just kind of bothered me so I had to let it out. That little boy did not deserve what happened to him and neither did I.
Goodnight from the tortured soul.
~ Vickey the ginger~

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Fatass is the trigger to my loaded gun.

What would you do if every morning you woke up and couldn’t look in the mirror, because every day that thing in the reflection is you. That thing that gets disgusted glares when ever in public. Stares that turn into judging, some even feel sorry for you. And what? You just went to the local grocery store for milk?. The worst part is when people try to hide the leers, and you catch them anyway.
It’s not like I don’t know that I look this way. I definitely do, but it’s not something that I’m proud of. Sure I can pull off the fat girl pride when I’m around my skinny friends and sometimes around my family, even though it hurts me inside to pretend. I HATE this body and I just want to be ok with it. Except it is so hard to workout, because there is a lot of me to work out. So? I don’t, and regret it every day. Then every time someone calls me lazy or a fatass, I break down. I couple of months ago I almost gave my sister a nice head smashing into a wall for repeatedly calling me a fatass and actually meaning it. Of course I didn’t really harm her, I just lost all of my freaking control and as you know we red-heads have quite the tempers.
I’m almost 18 and I have been over weight for almost 8 years now. You’d think I’d have gotten used to being called a fatass. Unfortunately it’s almost the exact opposite, I have become more sensitive as I hot older. Although hearing my father yelling at me saying that all I do is sit in front of the television, on my lazy fatass all day, hurts. I’ve been crying for the last hour and a half. Thank goodness for my best friend or in might have hurt myself again. As hard as I try, life is always going to its greatest to put me down. Too bad life doesn’t know that I will fight until my last breath for what I want.

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Oh the beauty! Only my family would have a food fight at dinner and have everyone be ok with it after wards. I think someday I am going to miss these occasions. As for now, I just want to live in the present and cherish what I can. Hopefully when I have my own family I will shock them with a food fight every now and then. But until then I guess I’m going to have to see life as my book and as every chapter comes, mistakes and errors will coincide. The almighty potato salad food fight winner! ~~~Vickey~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~Tank~~~~

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Great to be back.

Today was bowling sectionals, and I didn’t do so bad. Of course I didn’t make states but I did get high game 🙂 It was so important for me to be there this year. I have no clue what I was thinking last year. Anyways, I had such a great time. I rolled 1178 today, for six games, with a 196 average. I can not be upset with that, especially since I had one of the best days of my life. Things just went well pretty much all day. I am happy and I wouldn’t trade a moment for anything. Not even to win!

I have a week off for break this week, so lets see ll the things that I’m not going to do. lmao. I already have my sweat pants on so, bring it on vacation!

Too relaxed to move, too sore to move.

Happily listening to music. I love this place no matter how many times I may say otherwise.

Bowling is my world.


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