A Blue Revelation.

What shocked me recently?
My apperence. Not the usual I’m getting fat, or my face is full of achne. It was my hair.

So I owe you some background Information. When I was younger,  my older sister had just started highschool and she kind of lost her mind. Out of the blue she decided to chop all of her hair off, and sport this hair style that I’m going say was a mix between an emo/punk hair cut and a pixie chop. But she didn’t stop there, before we knew it she was dying her hair a whole bunch of colors. The breaking point for my father was when a strip of hair, turned into 2/3 of her head, and she picked a horrible color! Bright/Hot pink! EW! Well as you might be able to imagine, my father had a hay-day and went on a rampage. It didnt stop her though. Haha.

The thing about my older sister, is that out of the three of us, she is the only one without the red hair, odd I know. Whereas I have red hair, not orange, red. It is a rare color, I was always told as a kid that people wanted my hair color, that even hair dye couldn’t get the right shade. Daddy told me that I wasn’t allowed to dye my hair, because I am a part of that 2% of the world’s population that is red headed.

But my father should have known.

I began dying my hair when I turned 16. I secretly dyed the back portion of my hair a purple-ish maroon, using the kool-aid method. I hid that from my whole family for a couple of months before people started noticing, probably in part because I gave up hiding it. When my Dad found out I was bracing my self for the full impact, but it never came. He shrugged his shoulders and said it looked good.

Flash foreward a couple of months, it is December 31st 2013. I just said screw it. I wanted to do what I wanted and he was not going to stop me. So I bleached a section of hair and I dyed it blue. I was so in love with this that I just kept dying it blue, and when I would let the color fade my friends would wonder where it was, and if I was going to redo it.

So as you can imagine after two or more years of damaging my hair, I decided that I was just going to let my hair go and develope how ever it wants to. The color development was interesting but now, that section is like a nice honey golden color. I don’t know what made me decide yesturday, but I needed to bleach another section of my hair, so that I could go blue again.

So here we are, at the point of where the title makes sence. I was all of the sudden so happy to see another section ready for blue -bleached- I could have cried I was that glad. This blue means more to me than standing out, or creativity, I think it is apart of me. I faintly remember when I was younger and coloring- as opposed to when I was coloring the other day- that I had this one crayon, in every box that I would use until it was gone, and I know I used to draw stripes of my hair blue.

What shocked me recently?

The emotional and physical attatchment to dying my hair blue.

~~~~I’m not feeling blue, but I will have blue hands soon~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3 Vickey ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3

P.s. Those are supposed to be balloons 🙂

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“Dad is on the phone honey”

As I have mentioned I currently work in the retail world, out of all the things that tend to bother me the most, fathers on the phone top the list. Here is thing, I get having to answer the phone for a few minutes or quickly make sure a message gets passed along, but when you are using the whole time to talk too a buddy about fishing, boats, cars or any other topic instead of helping you’re daughter pick out some clothes, you are missing out. What was the point in coming if you were not even going to help, you could have just given the wife the card or cash.

Take this time, enjoy helping her while she is still young, and still letting you shop with her. Because I promise there will be a day where she will ask for the keys to the car, and won’t need you to come with her to pick out some clothes. So choose wisely, talk to a friend or make memories that you can look back on in times off sorrow.

I want to say that I feel this strong on the topic because my father used to and continues to shop with us (my sisters and I). With three girls he had to learn what was what, and that we are SUPER picky. I for instance, cannot stand pinks, greens, oranges, and yellows, or dresses and skirts. If anything a dress or skirt need to be long or at least past my knees. My favorite articles of clothing are my sweatshirts, jeans and my T-shirts. I mean looking at me that is not hard to guess, but still with three daughters, we all have different preferences.

My advice? Learn what they like, what colors flatter them, and never make it awkward if you have to go underwear/bra shopping. My father he can get pretty weird, but I know it’s just the way our family is.

So girls, even guys, get your parents involved in your style. It really helps when it’s time for a new wardrobe and having restricted time. Also helps for birthdays – even though we all know that no one wants clothes on their birthday, even if they may need them.
~~~Starting to blog again~~
~~~~Vickey the Gingie~~~



 

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Shark Bait.

So I got a job. I love my job, it is a lot of work, but the atmosphere is completely euphoric. I work for a store that is basically a thrift store for kids. It is not where I saw my self going for a job, but this is the place that called and the one I liked. “Organized Chaos” they will say, but that is basically my life. I mean if any of you guys were to see my room you would understand. I know where most things are and if I don’t then I guess that these items weren’t important enough for me to remember.

This whole growing up thing really blows though. Between work, school and a ‘Social Life’ I see my whole family maybe once a week- it doesn’t help that the rest of us work as well [except for my little sister].

I feel like sometimes I am going to stop fighting ‘Adulthood’ and just give in to the mindless, mumbling of malicious, meaning to life. Picture me in the ocean. Now imagine that I have been there for over a day. I will have the hardest time continuing to float and swim around, but knowing that in the vast ocean, that help or even a shore would be nearly improbable, eventually I would just stop. I would cease. Then what? I die.

I hope I will never meld into everyone Else’s lives.

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I just wanted to let you know, that there are a few who still care. :)

So I noticed that one of my Facebook friends, has been posting some deep, and sort of depressing statuses lately and I just had to send him this…

J, I just wanted to say that you are an awesome lad. Some of you’re statuses are a bit worrying lately, I hope you are okie dokie. Hey! Just remember that soon they will release the name of the new doctor… Anyways; live, laugh, love. But hey, it is called the circle of life for a reason, you are going to have ups and downs..”

I just needed to make sure that he knew that someone cares, even though I only see him every now and then when he is working or when he stops by to say hi to my older sister, it is important that people know that there are others who would miss you.

He responded with this..

Hey thanks. Honestly I wasn’t expecting this, and it does help a bit. Thanks for you’re support.”

 I think doing something selfless and or helpful to others is important and that everyone including me, should try and do it everyday at least once. I am happy that I probably made him smirk. Everyone deserves a little love, even if it is from nearly strangers, or complete strangers.

~~~~~~~~Love is love<3.~~~~~~~~

———_______Vickey________——-

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Just wishin’ for what I can’t have.

“Are you two dating?” “You two should date.”

It is one of those things that I kind of wish would be true, yet at the same time not. Really this whole situation kind of sucks. Basically it goes like this, I’m 17 going on 18, in a few months and he recently turned 16- within some odd number of months- and he is simply my brother. I have gotten to know him better, more recently, and he is from one of our family’s-friends-family. Practically everything I could ask for in a guy, he is caring, loving, sweet, crazy, wild, and smart. He is awesome with kids, and he knows how to deal with me-I mean come on, I’m not gonna lie I can be a hand full. As a woman who in the future wants kids and a family, seeing that sparkle in his eye when kids are around just makes my heart melt. The way he laughs, it just makes me smile, every time! We laugh about the stupidest things, joke about some sick and weird things, and challenge each other at whatever we can but, neither of us really care. As long as we are laughing or winning a game, and having fun, nothing else in the world matters. He is into some more sports than I am, but as a counter I am into more crafty and home-ec things.

This song came on and I just kind of felt like I should put it up. I wish he and I could do this..

“We Owned The Night”

“Tell me have you ever wanted
Someone so much it hurts?
Your lips keep trying to speak
But you just can’t find the words
Well I had this dream once;
I held it in my head

She was the purest beauty
But not the common kind
She had a way about her
That made you feel alive
And for a moment
We made the world stand still

Yeah, we owned the night

You had me dim the lights;
You danced just like a child
The wine spilled on your dress

And all you did was smile
Yeah, it was perfect
I hold it in my mind

Yeah, we owned the night

When the summer rolls around
And the sun starts sinking down
I still remember you
Oh, I remember you
And I wonder where you are

Are you looking at those same stars again?
Do you remember when?

We woke under a blanket
All tangled up in skin
Not knowing in that moment
We’d never speak again
But it was perfect;
I never will forget
When we owned the night

Yeah, we owned the night”

 

I just wish that he didn’t have a girlfriend already. I could never take a guy from another girl, because to me that is just so freaking wrong. Even though I would never actually ask him out-I’m just too uncomfortable with my self- and I would be too afraid of the possible rejection. I also wouldn’t do anything because I want to go away for college and trying to keep a boyfriend with distance has not worked out for me in the past. Who knows what I could run into in a new place.

It is what it is because he sees me as a friend and a sister, not a girlfriend. Although I think it is funny that even his step sister thinks we should date, there are some things that are just not destined to come true, sorry kid. I know that in your head things are a bit simpler, but when you get older you will understand just how confusing things can be. Well, I guess I kinda like this guy, but that is all that can come of it. I’ll enjoy what we have now, because not everyone has the kind of friendship that we do.

                 ~~~~  As always ~~~~~~

       ———-_______Vickey________———–

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I look away because I have felt that pain.

Today while watching a movie, this little boy was beaten  and abused by his father. I just couldn’t look at the screen, the fear of the boy just amplified throughout my chest cavity. I have had my run ins of that type of fear, within the same situations too. It just kind of bothered me so I had to let it out. That little boy did not deserve what happened to him and neither did I.
Goodnight from the tortured soul.
~ Vickey the ginger~

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Fatass is the trigger to my loaded gun.

What would you do if every morning you woke up and couldn’t look in the mirror, because every day that thing in the reflection is you. That thing that gets disgusted glares when ever in public. Stares that turn into judging, some even feel sorry for you. And what? You just went to the local grocery store for milk?. The worst part is when people try to hide the leers, and you catch them anyway.
It’s not like I don’t know that I look this way. I definitely do, but it’s not something that I’m proud of. Sure I can pull off the fat girl pride when I’m around my skinny friends and sometimes around my family, even though it hurts me inside to pretend. I HATE this body and I just want to be ok with it. Except it is so hard to workout, because there is a lot of me to work out. So? I don’t, and regret it every day. Then every time someone calls me lazy or a fatass, I break down. I couple of months ago I almost gave my sister a nice head smashing into a wall for repeatedly calling me a fatass and actually meaning it. Of course I didn’t really harm her, I just lost all of my freaking control and as you know we red-heads have quite the tempers.
I’m almost 18 and I have been over weight for almost 8 years now. You’d think I’d have gotten used to being called a fatass. Unfortunately it’s almost the exact opposite, I have become more sensitive as I hot older. Although hearing my father yelling at me saying that all I do is sit in front of the television, on my lazy fatass all day, hurts. I’ve been crying for the last hour and a half. Thank goodness for my best friend or in might have hurt myself again. As hard as I try, life is always going to its greatest to put me down. Too bad life doesn’t know that I will fight until my last breath for what I want.

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